Standing on the tracks as the train comes closer....

How do you watch your best friend go down the same path of self-destruction over and over and over again....

Here's the scoop: A good friend of mine was dating a senior co-worker (big no-no #1). The romance initially started when she began helping him on some projects, which lead to meals outside the workplace, flirting at afterwork happy hours, eventually leading to "sleep-overs" (No real courtship/dating- no-no #2). She had just gotten out of a long relationship and was most likely rebounding. Needless to say, this continued for many months over which she discovered that there was a former ex-gf he was still in contact with (be aware of cheators- this was the first sign!). Their secret romance continued until a new bella joined the group. Before she knew it he was cheating on her, and she was watching them going to dinners, him sending her flowers, and planning vacations together that she had initially intended on taking with him. All of sudden she realized he was capable of all those romantic gestures she longed for from him and it wasn't so important to him anymore to be hush hush about his romance at work.

A year goes by with her watching this day in and day out with interspersed calls from him whenever things were a bit rocky with the "girlfriend" to seek advice from my friend. She responded to his calls on occasion (more often than not) with her own bouts of anger/ frustration towards him attempting to salvage a "friendship." (Can you really still be friends with someone you've dated, that cheated on you? Or is that just a hope that by sticking around he might come back?) Eventually, the new bella dumps his ass and he comes crying to my friend for "advice." Telling her how he could not understand what happend, he cared about her so much..etc...he fails to remember that he is saying these things to the same person that was on the receiving end from him. Occasional phone calls/ texts/ chatting has since turned into more frequent calls with him at her doorstep with flowers and candy on her birthday and at her bday dinner (usually a very intimate affair at our usual favorite place where we freely talk about the manys boys and toys in our lives). Needless to say, through this whole saga of 2 years, this was the first time we were meeting him.

I am not passing any judgements or say anything bad about my friend...she is extremely dear to me..but I just hate to see her go through this again. We as girls, no matter how bright and independent, and despite all the great advice we give each other, sometimes fail to hear those same words when it pertains to us. It's truly incredible! I, myself have been guilty of this very same thing numerous times. Of course it's always easy see things when you are outside the box but we have to get better at seeing things even from the inside...especially when it's not the first time. History tends to repeat itself and as much as we want to believe that people change and things can change....they need to prove that and earn it back not so easily. Who is to say that if he went for something "better" (as she put it) the first time it won't happen again.

So now, we sit back and hope for the best. Can't say anything to her now when we have already said all these things to her in the past with little or no avail. (Again, we've all been there at some point) At this point, if we say negative things, we are just forcing her to turn away and not confide in us. She is an adult capable of making her own decisions....we can just hope that she makes the right ones and for the right reasons! You need to love yourself first, you can't expect other people to love you more and have your best interests in mind...it's a selfish world out there....everyone is out for their own gain....

-S