Vulnerability

I'm still dating, but trying my best to stay focused on one guy at a time. The problem with this is, I don't want to become too focused on anyone prematurely - because I don't want to get hurt. For that matter, to be honest, I'm just sick of wasting my time.

A few days ago a friend of mine was talking about how to break up with the guy she's dating. She knows he's not the one for her, but she's having fun. I've been down that road several times and told myself that it's ok. The problem now is that I feel like I just wasted time with those guys. I mean, it was fun and maybe I learned something but in the end, the break-ups were too damn hard. Getting over a guy takes me so long that in the end I need double if not triple the amount of time I was in the relationship to get over it.

So where does that leave me? Trying not to be attached to anyone. Trying not to get too close that I could get hurt. But in the end, love is about vulnerability. You have to submit yourself to being a bit vulnerable, or you'll never be able to truly be in love. So I guess I won't let myself fall in love again until the guy is roped in first. After all, why should I have to get hurt first?

-M